You may be completely content being alone for 363 days of the year—then Christmas and New Year’s Eve arrive, and suddenly your life feels lacking.

For most of the year, you’re excited about everything your single life offers. You invest in your career, nurture your friendships, dive into your hobbies, and relish the independence to shape a meaningful life on your own terms. You’re the dolphin, playful and free in the open ocean.

Then Christmas morning hits, and the narrative shifts. Suddenly you’re the goldfish staring out of a bowl, telling yourself you’re missing out on the “real” gift: a partner, shared traditions, someone to kiss at midnight on New Year’s Eve. What changed? Not your life—just the story you’re telling about it.

Your social network can reinforce that story, too. They ask who you’ll spend the holidays with and react with subtle discomfort when you say you’re spending them alone. When they invite you to join their family, what meaning do you attach to that gesture? Do you see yourself welcomed as part of an extended family, or do you cast yourself in the role of the lonely outsider being included out of sympathy?

Despite the fact that family structures today come in countless shapes and forms, the holiday season tends to pull us back toward traditional templates. When we elevate romantic relationships and family units as the heart of the holidays, we can easily forget that for the other 11 months of the year, we’re perfectly at peace with our lives.

This holiday mindset can be powerful. It can feel instinctual—like a salmon returning upstream, pulled by old norms and expectations. But before you get swept up in that current, pause and ask yourself: What helps me stay grounded in the life I’m actually living right now? Who can you spend time with—friends, chosen family, community—to stay connected to the joy that already exists in your life?

And remember: nothing stays the same. What your holidays look like this year doesn’t determine what they will look like in the future. Enjoy “what is” this year and remain curious about what you will create next year.