The holidays have a way of turning up the volume on everything – joy, excitement, nostalgia… and yes, grief too. While everyone else seems wrapped in twinkling lights and cheer, you might find yourself struggling with a heavy heart that just can’t resonate with other people’s energy. You might find yourself moving slower and wishing all this noise could go away.

If you have had a recent loss or drastic change to your life, you approach to the holidays may be filled with anticipation and reluctance. Grief takes the shine and glimmer out of things.

Grief is a season of its own. It is like the winter of our life. It covers most aspects of our life with a heavy veil. You are not broken for not wanting to celebrate, you are just needing to slow down and cocoon. You need to allow the transformation process that comes from the hibernation process of grief.

Here are a few light, compassionate ways to move through the holidays while honouring your grief.

Let your Holidays look however they need to

Some years you bake the cookies, play the music, and go to the parties.
Grief over the holiday looks more like quiet times and allowing yourself to honour your feelings and the person you grieve.

Give yourself permission to shape the season in a way that feels gentle on your heart.

Create a small ritual of remembrance

Your person still lives within you. You continue your relationship with them even in their absence. Take the time to honour them. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Write them a love letter. Light a candle. Hang an ornament that reminds you of them. Make their favorite dessert, even if you’re the only one who eats it.

Tiny rituals can create a sense of connection that warms the sharp edges of loss.

Say no without apology

Grief can be exhausting. If a gathering feels overwhelming or a tradition feels too heavy this year, it’s okay to decline. It is ok to put yourself first. Let go of expectations on how things should be and allow them to be as you need them. You may need to pause some traditions and write new ones to make this holiday season more manageable. If you choose to change things up to soften things, you’re not “ruining the holidays”you’re caring for yourself, which is just as important as any tradition.

Let yourself feel things in waves

Memories may surprise you – sometimes with tears, sometimes with comfort. Let them come. Let them go. Memories and feelings are like waves. Sometimes they are gentle and the sound of them is comforting. At other times, they sweep you away like a tsunami. Don’t impose any restrictions over them. Give yourself permission to experience them and to release them.

Lean on people who “get it”

You don’t need to explain yourself to everyone. A few trusted people who understand what you’re carrying can make all the difference. Sometimes a simple “This time of year is hard for me” opens the door to connection instead of pressure. You might be surprised to see who will have the capacity to walk this path with you. Let people surprise you and allow yourself to be vulnerable by sharing about your grief.

A final gentle thought

Grief is love that has nowhere to go, and holidays are full of reminders of what that love once looked like. If this season feels tender, let it. There’s no right way to grieve, and no deadline for “feeling normal” again.

Be soft with yourself.
Light returns slowly but it does return.