Resilience and Rebuilding for the Newly Single

Learning to live as a single person after many years in a relationship can be a challenge. The discomfort about being single is often based on the fear that one will not be able to cope with life’s challenges without the support of their partner or that one will never be happy again.  To counteract these fears try the following:

1.    Focus on your strengths. Resilience comes from focusing on our inner strength.

2.    Break down any tasks into a series of manageable steps and focus on tackling one step at a time. Stay focused on the present and trust it will come together.
3.    Explore creating small and simple pleasures on a daily basis. This will help you see that you can regain control of your happiness.
4.    Find opportunities to laugh and play. Life is full of contradictions. You can still have fun even when you are sad.
5.    Build a strong support network. Friends, family, colleagues and support groups can all contribute to increasing your ability to move forward and find the joy and possibilities your life holds.

Change is all about transitioning from loss to new beginnings. During any transition, one works toward overcoming grief and with time becoming open to new possibilities.

Transition phases are rich with possibilities. They allow us to reinvent and rediscover ourselves, as well as examine our needs and expectations for the future.   Here are some ideas to facilitate your transition:

1.    Take the time to acknowledge what was lost and what you cherished about that period of your life.
2.    List the tolerances you lived with during that period to create a balanced perspective.
3.    Revisit your values and needs, they will inform the direction and goals you will give to your life.
4.    Experiment with new dreams. Think outside the box! This may just be the time to pursue a dream that had been put on ice.
5.    Find sources of inspiration. Ask people about their success stories on overcoming change or read about change and resilience.

In his book Resilience: A Change for the Better, Daryl R. Conner outlines five characteristics of resilient people. They are:

Positive – Resilient people are optimists. They display a self-assurance that is based on their view that life is filled with opportunities. Optimists believe that defeat is temporary and its causes are not solely their fault, but rather due to unfortunate circumstances.
Focused – Focused people have a clear vision of what they want to achieve and take the time to write down their goals, objectives, obstacles and the strategies they will employ to find solutions for problems facing them.
Flexible – Flexible people are those who demonstrate adaptability when responding to uncertainty. This resilient characteristic requires that you identify your fears when facing new and intimidating situations.
Organized – Organized people have the knack for developing structured approaches to managing ambiguity. They plan, set priorities and engage in deliberate action steps in order to accomplish tasks.
Proactive – The proactive characteristic of resilient people means that they engage change rather than simply defend against it. They are not reactive. They take calculated risks and then apply lessons learned from past experiences to similar challenges facing them.

As a coach, I like to remind people that even if their life is not where they want it to be, they still have the power to make powerful choices to influence the direction and outcome of their transition.  Where do you want to be when this is all said and done?

Coaching can be invaluable for someone going through a time of transition in their life. Contact us today.